Tank the Tanking Takes!

NBA writers are currently besides themselves because so many teams are tanking this season. Everyone is throwing out creative and often laughably convoluted ways to “fix” the draft, however, I feel like this is a great example of people being myopic. They see teams tanking and think, “We have to change the lottery!” But the Mavs won the Cooper Flagg sweepstakes. The Jazz, who have been bad for a while, keep missing out on the top picks. The team with the worst record hasn’t won since the NBA flattened the lotto odds. These teams gave away a season in order to draft the likes of: Ron Holland, Ausar Thompson, Jabari Smith Jr, Jalen Green, James Wiseman, and RJ Barrett. How exactly is the lottery not doing what it is supposed to?

I don’t believe that the problem is the draft. The problem is the CBA. The old CBA wasn’t good but the newest one is downright awful. The one thing that the NBA has yet to figure out is that every move they make to punish rich teams from spending too much money actually just makes it even less likely that the smaller market teams will ever be able to afford a contender without relying on landing a stud in the draft.

Since the last CBA, the unspoken truth about the NBA has been that, if you want to build a contender, you need to get your core pieces together while at least one of your top two players is on his rookie deal. If you’re paying two guys max money, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you’ll be the dreaded One Player Away for their run. The exception to this rule is the Knicks who were able to find a sub-max superstar in Jalen Brunson (who then took a hometown discount for his next contract) and also turned a less-than-the-max Julius Randle into KAT. But the odds of threading that needle are far worse than the odds of winning the lotto.

I think the other issue is that the CBAs have essentially tied top draft picks to their franchise for 7 years and when the star finally does hit the open market, they will cost 30% of the salary cap to sign. How many franchises are going to put together a quality team while also having that kind of money to spend in the upcoming offseason? I’m not sure that I consider the Lakers a true contender but they’re close to this scenario except look at the gamble they are taking. How many GMs would risk losing both LeBron James and Austin Reaves so they can hopefully sign someone in free agency? And if the Lakers do sign a star, by my count, they’ll then only have $15 million left under the cap and will probably need two other starters and key bench contributors. To me, I think the reality for the Lakers is that signing one star to go alongside Luka won’t work.

The next issue is what I call the Morey Move. I feel like Daryl Morey was the first GM that I heard of throwing around tons of draft picks in trade offers but it’s starting to get out of hand. The amount of picks being thrown around in some of these trades is ridiculous and it’s making it so teams are not only not getting any real quality players in trades for their core pieces, but they aren’t even getting draft picks in the near future. These teams are dealing their star player for the promise of a future lottery ticket.

And the final issue is this - the NBA is a superstar league and there are only so many true superstars to go around. Some teams simply aren’t going to have a true star and this fact is going to get even worse once the NBA expands again. Now the obvious response is, Well, some teams can go the 2003-04 Pistons route and build with good-not-great players but the problem there is that GMs don’t have the impulse control to not overpay the next best thing. They’ll throw 40+ million dollars a year at Lauri Markkanen because they feel like they don’t have any other choice. I’m sorry, Utah, I know you’re trying to win but it’s going to be hard when you’re paying Lauri Markkanen and Jaren Jackson almost 100 million dollars. And they also have to pay Walker Kessler this year and Keyonte George next offseason, which brings us back to the current CBA issue - there’s no way Utah is going to pay three big money guys and get close to the first apron. Utah desperately needs Ace to live up to the hype or else I don’t see how they are anything but the new version of the mediocre-but-at-least-trying Chicago Bulls, in which case, I’m sure all of the writers who are complaining about tanking will start whining that the Jazz are stuck in mediocrity and need to start fresh.

February Review

This is going to be a lame post. I just don’t hav anything to say but I felt like I haven’t posted in a while and I want to try to be more active this month. February was the usual brick wall that the New Year’s Resolution momentum smacked into. On the New Things front, I only have hit 44 after two months, which puts me on pace for just over half of my goal of 500. Again, I’m revisiting more old haunts this year so the New Things haven’t been the sole priority but fewer than 50 New Things is a disappointing start to the year.

I got back into buying sports cards again. I revamped my strategy a bit although I still do just get addicted to the action so it’s still not the greatest approach. But this round, I focused on MLB and NFL prospects. I probably should have started this earlier - especially for the MLB prospects - as prices usually rise when spring training starts.

Writing wise, 2026 has been a bust. I haven’t worked on anything. Ditto for the workout front. I’m trying to get myself amped up to use the calisthenics app that I signed up for but it feels like it’s going to be another day of pushing it off until tomorrow.

On the bright side, I absolutely nailed the Sunday NYT word games. Even got the purple first on Connections. I think they might have made things easier to kick off the month. In this case, March is coming in like a lamb.

March is a tricky month. My job is going to kick into high gear this week but I also have weekend trips for my nephew’s birthday and the Vegas for March Madness. I’m kind of regretting the Vegas trip, especially since it seems like most people I know aren’t making the trek for the opening round of the NCAAs this year, but it’ll be nice to get out of LA and that should give me a chance to knock off some new things.

Recxpectations: Pillion

Google Synopsis: Colin, a timid man, meets Ray, a confident biker gang leader, who initiates him into a submissive relationship, challenging Colin's mundane existence and prompting personal growth through their unconventional dynamic.

EXPECT: OLD STORY IN NEW CLOTHES
Pillion is pretty much a standard romance - when you break down the beats - but it feels different because the couple is engaged in BDSM and the fish out of water moments are two sex acts. Film critics seem to love the storytelling but, personally, I found that - once you get over the BDSM angle - the story itself isn’t all that compelling.

DON’T EXPECT: MUCH DEPTH
Again, I felt that this film hit the usual notes of a romance but, again, I didn’t find much beyond that. Alexander Skarsgård’s character is a sphinx. Harry Melling’s character dives in 100%. There’s a disapproving mother, which I had the most trouble with because her disapproval wasn’t defined enough for me. We never see the BDSM angle explained so I wasn’t sure if she disapprove of the lifestyle or was in the dark about why her son was in a controlling relationship (which any parent should raise a red flag if they see.)
Similarly, there isn’t really much talk about the whole BDSM culture and the trials and travails people go through. I feel like standard issue romances show more hurdles for someone to join the new crowd their partner runs with.

I don’t know. I am just not seeing what the critics saw with this one. I guess treating BDSM in a non-judgmental way deserves some credit but I just wish there was more to the relationships. Then again, romance is not my genre so maybe it hit the right notes to a song I just don’t care about.

Recxpectations: How to Make a Killing

Google Synopsis: Disowned at birth by his wealthy family, Becket Redfellow will stop at nothing to reclai'm his inheritance, no matter how many relatives stand in his way.

Final Thought First: “How to Make a Killing” is a fairly generic movie however if you pair it in a double feature with “No Other Choice” and look at it as the Americanized version of that film - both in content and structure - it’s kind of fascinating. Whereas one film follows a man pushed to the brink by desperation, the other film shows a man more driven by greed and a sense of entitlement. The Korean film doesn’t commit to the standard structure whereas the US film almost feels like it could have been a video game the way it marches from one “boss” to the next.

EXPECT: TO BE TOLD A STORY
”How to Make a Killing” starts near the end of the film and we are then told what has happened by Glen Powell’s character, Beckett. Sometimes this approach works but it really doesn’t offer anything here besides a way to cut the film down to an hour and forty-five minutes. This felt more like somebody telling me about a movie they just saw than it did actually watching said movie.

DON’T EXPECT: A THRILLER
This film worked best for me as a dark comedy - buoyed by a couple of entertaining performances by Zach Woods and Topher Grace. The structure kind of eliminates a lot of the tension but the kill scenes are - as one might expect from the title - more of a manual on how the killings are done rather than anything tense.

DON’T EXPECT: MUCH ROMANCE
The trailer made me think that there could be a bit of a love triangle but the film doesn’t spend nearly enough time with the non-Beckett characters to stir up any kind of emotion. We see one date and the next thing we know, our main couple is moving in together. (A related issue is that it’s pretty much impossible to know how much time has passed at any point in the film.)

EXPECT: A FORGOTTEN MOVIE ON ANY FILMOGRAPHY
Glen Powell showed some range in “Hit Man” but that is nowhere to be found in this film where we pretty much get the standard issue Glen Powell from Twisters and Top Gun (the only thing that really changes is the level of cockiness.) Margaret Qualley got my hopes in in the first scene of the film but after that, she was back to being her usual self, which doesn’t click with me. I always feel like she’s giving a performance. Whether you like these two or not, this is a film that probably won’t ever be mentioned in the future when people talk about their impressive roles.

The film - which was on The Black List all the way back in 2014 - was originally slated to star Shia LaBeouf and Mel Gibson, which probably would have been better.

Recxpectations: Crime 101

Here are the spoiler free recommended expectations for Crime 101.

The Google Synopsis is: “A master thief and an insurance broker join forces for a big heist, while a determined detective pursues them to prevent the multi-million dollar crime.”
Personally, I wouldn’t call it a heist film; I think heist films require some kind of intricate or interesting planning. When the most inventive aspect of any of the robberies is switching cars post-robbery or stealing a uniform, I don’t think it can be called a heist film.

TL;DR - I found this to be bland and basic. It wants to be Heat but is closer in quality to The Rip.

EXPECT: AN APT TITLE
Crime 101 is about as basic as one can get in terms of storytelling and characters. This is a drab, basic crime movie in which all of the main charactters are, for one reason or another, down on their luck. Melissa Barbaro shines because she’s one of the few characters who have any light in them. That being said, the love story is basically Barbaro’s character falling for Chris Hemsworth’s character because he’s well off and looks like Chris Hemsworth. None of the robberies are all that inventive and things get dumber as the movie goes along.

EXPECT: A DRONING SCORE
This film could also have been scoring 101 as the film just kept repeating one overbearing piece over and over (or at least it seemed like one piece) and by the time the finale arrives, it’s pretty much background noise. (Although they did add some strings at one point.) Most every scene hits the same note. Every decisive moment the same cue. Making matters worse, when the credits roll, a song with some soul finally kicks in and it’s like, “Where was that for the last two hours and twenty minutes?!”

EXPECT: TO TURN YOUR BRAIN OFF
I found the finale of the film to be just plain stupid. As the climax neared, the guy sitting next to me let out a heavy sigh and I was right there with him. There was almost no sense of “What will happen?” and instead I felt more of a “Wrap it up already!” boredom.

I do have to add that I don’t really care about car chases but there were a couple of decent ones in this film. Maybe those will elevate how some people feel about this one.

New Thing: Merrell Sneakers

I usually don’t count clothes as a new thing but I feel like sneaker brands are a little different because of comfortability. Finding a good pair of shoes is a game changer. I’ve tried both Hoka and OnRunning and wasn’t really blown away by either of them. This year, I finally put on some Merrell Sneakers that I bought a while back and I have to say, these are my favorite sneaks in a while.

Now, I should say that I am a full time pedestrian who can’t even remember the last time I sprinted or ran longer than just to beat a light while crossing the street so my take is solely on walking. Maybe these are lousy running shows but so far, for what I need, I’m a convert.

Recxpectations: Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die

“Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die” is the new film from Gore Verbinsk. The Google synopsis is, “Claiming to be from the future, a man takes hostages at a Los Angeles diner to recruit unlikely heroes to help him save the world.”

EXPECT: AN AI LECTURE IN A FORUMULAIC FILM
”Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die” makes a lot of points that I agree with but they are all made at the top of the movie and many of them are made via a monologue from Sam Rockwell’s time traveler. Honestly, there’s not really anything that much more insightful here than Cypher’s betrayal in The Matrix. For me, the film was far more interesting when investigating the world gone wrong by the abundance and over-reliance on tech; once it gets into the actual mission of the movie, it becomes a fairly standard action movie, hitting all of the same beats one expects.

EXPECT: A LOT OF CGI
Part of me thought it was kind of ironic that a movie that is anti-AI would rely so heavily on the previous tech game changer in Hollywood. One of the major complaints about modern Hollywood is that every action/adventure film ends with a massive AI-fest and this film is no different. What made it stand out for me was that the ending features some toys that I swear I’ve seen in previous stop-motion films. All of that being said, it’s damn impressive that this movie cost only 20 million, a paltry sum in Hollywood.

EXPECT: A TRY-HARD MOVIE
In a video before the film at The Alamo, Gore Verbinski said he was inspired by Repo Man and Akira and that he especially loved that there are some enigmatic parts of Akira, especially at the end, that he still doesn’t understand. I'd say that the difference here is that Repo Man and Akira are films that are bonkers while this film just wants to be bonkers. It seemed like they wanted to throw some crazy curveballs in for the sake of seeming “unhinged.” And for me, the more “unhinged” it got, the less interesting it became.

For me, this was another Tik Tok movie. Per Wikipedia, the film started as a TV show idea and then became a film script as the writer added more vignettes and that’s what it felt like. There are a bunch of interesting moments in the movie and they all pretty much can live on their own. Again, the mission that stitches it all together was the weakest part for me.

In the end, I’m dropping this one in between a green and yellow rating. I found it had enough moments that I enjoyed it but the more I thought about it, the less I liked it.

New Things: THE BURBS

I went in with low expectations for The Burbs on Peacock and the show couldn’t even surpass the low bar I had set. The first and most glaring issue with the show is that it isn’t one season. A few episodes in, I thought the show already felt too long - both in episode length and season length - and then in the end you realize that it’s not a one-and-done series.

I saw one review that said the show was hilarious but I don’t see it. It’s not devoid of laughs but it’s not really a comedy. The show wants to keep red herrings and mysteries alive which means they don’t really get that deep into any of the characters. I’m surprised that it was produced by Seth MacFarlane because I thought he might have gone more over-the-top with it but instead it’s just kind of a middling whodunnit. Keke Palmer and Jack Whitehall are an odd couple, which is kind of addressed but - like everything else - not really explored. But the real weakness of this show was the inability to sell any of the “twists”. Every time something came up, you knew that it was a red herring and the explanations for the red herrings were often just plain stupid. (Yet still not as stupid as His & Hers.)

At the very least, The Burbs should have been a Fargo-esque anthology, start with a new creepy house or creepy neighbor each season. There are countless ways to tell that story. I definitely will not be tuning in for season 2, should it get picked up.

Happy New Year! (American Sports Fan Observed)

I’ve always felt like the day after the Super Bowl is the true new year. Spring Training is a couple of days away. The NBA trade deadline has let fans know which teams have a chance this year and which teams will be tanking the rest of the way. All-Star break is at the end of the week. And it’s a nice reset if you haven’t gotten off to the best start to the actual new year.

So HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone! Let’s reattack the year and all of our goals.

Recxpectations: The Moment

“The Moment” is a metamockumentary about Charli XCX putting together an arena tour to keep the momentum of her Brat album going, even if she isn’t sure she wants to keep the whole “Brat” thing going.

DON’T EXPECT: A FLESHED OUT MOVIE
’The Moment” drops you into the world of Charli xcx with the assumption that you know who Charli is. As someone who kind of missed the whole brat summer. I thought I knew Charlie as a strong-minded woman who had been in the industry for a long time and was just now having her breakout moment. So for me, I was a bit thrown by the Charlie in the movie who seemed to be completely overwhelmed by the moment and also seemed incredibly weak-willed and with little control over anything in her career. The side characters were all so painfully wrong that this film felt less like a meta film about Charli herself and more like her lashing out at her label for trying to make her into something she isn’t.
Similarly, The Moment’s mockumentary approach is touch and go as it fails to commit to the approach. I honestly didn’t know that we were supposed to be watching an Office-style film until a few scenes in when someone acknowledged the cameras. It’s also odd that a big part of the film is about hiring the director of the tour film, a decision one would assume had already been made if they were filming Charli and her representatives all the time. Personally, I think they should have ditched that approach as it added nothing except one or two scenes with people breaking the 4th wall.

EXPECT: ALMOST A SKETCH COMEDY
Because The Moment never really commits to anything, the film feels more like a collection of scenes than a cohesive film. There’s one major moment that seems like it could really take the film into dark waters and potential image-immolation but it’s quickly shoved aside. Most of the side characters are one note and often just there for one joke. It’s another film that feels like the film the first draft of the script.

EXPECT: CHARLI TO CARRY IT ALL
All of the actors do a great job but I thought Charli xcx really showed herself to be a great comedic actor. While I didn’t love The Moment, I would be interested to see her in a more standard comedy in the future. This film could have very easily gone the route of Hurry Up Tomorrow but Charli and the film is more self-aware and fun to follow.

DON’T EXPECT: MUCH MUSIC
There are a couple of brat songs in the film but this film isn’t about the music, which fits because the point of the film is that so much of the music industry isn’t actually about the music.

New Things: PONIES & The Diplomat

New Things #26 & #27 are somewhat similar streaming series - PONIes and The Diplomat. Both shows deal with wives who were once on the sideline suddenly taking on big roles in international relations and finding themselves in all sorts of drama.

I’m counting The Diplomat despite the fact that I only watched two of the three seasons. I tapped out because one of my pet peeves is when someone keeps screwing up but, at the same time, keeps getting labeled as a master at their trade. In The Diplomat, the protagonist is arguably the antagonist as almost every major issues stems from something Keri Russell’s character did. The rinse and repeat of the show is Keri Russell learns a piece of evidence, Keri Russell jumped to conclusions based on that info, at the last minute new intel proves her conclusion was wrong, Keri Russell jumps to new conclusion based on new info. And round and round we go. In short, The Diplomat is terrible at diplomacy. That being said, the acting is terrific and Keri Russell proves that she is a star and should be cast in more things. This might be the best role for Rufus Sewell, who I never really thought much of before this. At the end of the day, season 2 ended in such a way that I just really didn’t want to deal with Keri Russell’s character anymore.

Ponies is as equally flawed but I felt like it didn’t take itself as seriously as The Diplomat so I was willing to overlook some of the issues. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hardly a comedy (but I could see them trying to get nominated in that category for the Golden Globes) but the central concept - two women whose CIA-spy husbands have been killed in late-70s Moscow becomes spies to help the US and solve their husbands’ murders - is kind of silly to begin with. There’s also the silliness of taking two wives of guys that the KGB murdered and putting them undercover. I get that they are Persons of No Interest and the Russians don’t focus on them but it’s kind of ridiculous to. think that NOBODY would notice. Especially when one of them is working at the US Embassy and, at the same time, pretending to be a random Russian woman from Belarus. In the early episodes, they make it known that everyone US agent has a KGB agent following them which, as the series goes on, makes it even harder to believe that nobody has sussed out who the two leads are. If you can overlook all of that nonsense, Haley Lu Richardson is as charming as ever, Emilia Clarke is very strong in this, and the games of cat & mouse are fun, if increasingly silly. Ponies might also get the benefit of the doubt here because it’s only 1 season. I could see season 2 wearing me down to the point of tapping out the same way The Diplomat did.

January Review

A bar-hopping expedition in the Valley helped get me to 28 new things for the month, which is obviously way off pace for 500 New Things but since my other goal this year is to check out all of my old haunts and revisit some of my favorite bars and restaurants, 28 New Things isn’t bad and is probably more realistic, especially since I’m about to start a new gig that’s going to eat up more of my time than my previous job.

My Map of 2026 is pretty populated after just one month and the obvious thing that jumps out is that I need to cool it with the strip clubs. Maybe it’s a sign that I need to get back on the dating apps. To be fair, if I wasn’t doing this map, I probably wouldn’t have pulled the trigger and gone to as many but it’s still probably not great that they were on my radar so much to begin with.

The one thing my forays into the strippies did expose was that my small talk skills have absolutely deteriorated. I’m not sure they really ever bounced back from COVID but working remotely has also helped them atrophy. I’ve never been as good at chatting people up as I should be - I get into my head too much or simply don’t invest enough attention into the conversation - but there have been a couple of painful convos where the girl was trying to chat, my brain was thinking “Why don’t you say something?” and I just kind of flounder and throw out the lamest retorts and zero follow through. So maybe I shouldn’t get back on the dating apps quite yet.

Too much of my focus this month as been on The Map and I haven’t worked out or written at all. Those are going to be top priority for February.

Recxpectations: Islands

Islands is a film that I went in completely cold and I was pleasantly surprised by it. The synopsis is basically: A tennis pro at an island resort befriends a couple, only to have the husband disappear after an evening out partying.

EXPECT: UNDERCOOKED HITCHCOCK
At first I was going to call this movie a slow burn but, honestly, I don’t think it ever reaches “burn” status. The whole thing kind of smolders, which isn’t bad and is kind of an interesting and different choice in the genre’s current landscape that seems to be leaning to soapy melodrama. Everything about the film is subtle. For this reason, the drama and tension feels lacking at times. It’s a film that you’re intertwined with rather than gripped by. I really enjoyed it but I could see a lot of people being bored by the subtle smoldering approach.

EXPECT: SHOW, DON’T TELL
This film is kind of the polar opposite of the Knives Out franchise. You should not expect anything close to the Benoit Blanc final monologue in which he explains everything that is going on. This film is as slice of life as you can get in a kind of island noir. Most of the genre is overly crafted, every moment feels like a scene more than a real event. Islands just shows the moments unfold. It’s kind of like eavesdropping on a conversation as opposed to being told a story. That being said, the resolution is also as subtle so I could see some people wishing that there was a moment that spelled everything out.

DON’T EXPECT: SHOWY PERFORMANCES
The title refers to the characters as much as setting. Every character is repressed for their own reason - as a service worker or playing their role in a relationship. The writing doesn’t give much room to really perform but every actor plays their role perfectly. A nearby island has a volcano that is smoking and the characters are just the same; you know there’s something more ready to breakout but who knows if it will ever erupt.

DON’T EXPECT: A BREAKOUT HIT
While the approach to this film worked for me, it’s a classic indie film. There isn’t really anything here that will grab the attention of critics or awards voters or mainstream audiences. This is another example of why I wish companies would invest in Variations on a Theme because as much as I liked this version, I wouldn’t mind seeing what someone with a more commercial approach to things could have done with it.

Recxpectations: Send Help

Google Synopsis: “A woman and her overbearing boss become stranded on a deserted island after a plane crash. They must overcome past grievances and work together to survive, but ultimately, it's a battle of wills and wits to make it out alive.”

EXPECT: CLASSIC SAM RAIMI
Word order is important here because while this is classic Sam Raimi, I wouldn’t say it’s a Sam Raimi classic. I’d probably put it a notch below “Drag Me To Hell.” But this is Raimi returning to his kind of B-movie roots albeit with obviously a healthier budget. But it still has an offbeat feel, a dark film with a light touch, tinges of horror, a few avert your eyes gross-outs, and just not the usual film you’d expect from a Hollywood studio.

EXPECT: SOME DODGY CGI
One of my steadfast beliefs is: Just because you CAN use CGI doesn’t mean you SHOULD use CGI. I especially felt this in the plane crash scene which I think could have been better with creative editing and close-ups rather than relying on fake-looking CGI. But again, this is a Sam Raimi film so we shouldn’t really be expecting top notch realism out of the FX. Also, so much of this film appears to use CGI that you can almost forgive it for a handful (or more) of clearly fake moments.

EXPECT: A TIK TOK MOVIE
A Tik Tok movie is a film that you can break into 5 - 10 minute episodes and people can easily watch at their leisure - and perhaps start tuning in at any point - and still get most of what the movie was delivering. Trapped on a deserted island movies are always tough but, to me, Send Help especially felt like a collection of episodes rather than a fluid storyline.

EXPECT: THE CLASSIC HOLLYWOOD CONUNDRUM
Don’t get me wrong, Rachel McAdams is great in this and they did a great job of making her look like a loser at the top of the movie but it’s still Rachel McAdams, everyone’s sweetheart. Obviously, Hollywood wants a name for this role but I couldn’t help but think that there was probably a character actor who would have been a better casting job. If this movie was made 10 - 15 years ago, Juliette Lewis would have been the obvious casting choice. Which made me think - who are the new generations’ Juliette Lewises? Gen Z is the easiest thanks to Yellowjackets, with Sophie Thatcher playing a young Juliette Lewis. But who else is there?
Similarly, while I like Dylan O’Brien and he held his own in this film, I think the power dynamic would have been better had his character been portrayed by the bigger actor of the two. (An example of this is Misery, which had a relatively unknown Kathy Bates playing against the more famous James Caan.)

New Things #16: Wonder Man

My hot take when it comes to Marvel is that, if Doomsday and Secret Wars disappoint, Kevin Feige should be replaced as the head of Marvel.

I’m sad to say that Wonder Man didn’t do anything to alter my thinking on that. And I really do hate to say that because I’ve wanted Marvel to break from their normal approach and try something new with their films and shows and this certainly does that but I think it was unsuccessful and a step in the wrong direction.

For me, the first issues was that Wonder Man himself isn’t a very interesting or likeable character and then, on top of that, his main conflict is completely concocted. That might be OK if there was some emotional growth for the character but I didn’t feel like Simon Williams really showed much change at all. This star of the show was Ben Kingsley as his Trevor Slattery character made yet another scene stealing appearance. But his character also was the one with the real conflict and the real inner struggle and actual change.

In terms of the bigger picture, this was exactly the wrong show for Marvel to go with IMO. Marvel films/shows are struggling to retain their audience so they go with a slow burn, inside Hollywood./acting show?! I’m sure some critics and artistes will celebrate the sloth-like pace and industry touches but it’s absolutely not something that I think will bring back any of the mainstream audience. (And, quite frankly, it’s still not good enough to win over cinephiles IMO.)

Again, I’d love to see Marvel hit up different genres and expand their storytelling but, while the pace may have obscured it, this was another formulaic piece, this time, they just didn’t force in an action scene every episode. It felt like it could have been a Trojan Horse - using the superhero angle to get people to tune in to a character piece but, as I said, the main character didn’t do much for me nor did I think we really gained great insight into him and they barely even touched the topic of him having to hide his amazing powers. They also made the decision to give him a girlfriend for two cliched scenes that added absolutely nothing to the story or character.

I’d be absolutely stunned if this saw a second season - I’m not even sure where you go with it - and either way, I’d throw it in the same PASS pile as the Netflix/Marvel reboots. You’d think with all of the stories Marvel has spun over the decades that the TV shows would be better but they just can’t seem to hack it consistently. (And I looked up Wonder Man on Wikipedia and the original character seems a lot more interesting that this adaptation.) Maybe when they reboot the MCU after Secret Wars, they can do something more interesting with Simon Williams,

Book #1 of 2026: Audition by Katie Kitamura

I was hoping this would be my first literary New Thing of the year but sadly, this gets a big fat DNF - Did Not Finish. What killed this one for me was the mix of the book being in the first person and the author’s penchant for dissecting every single moment and look. When the lead of the book is constantly waxing poetic over every single moment of her life, it starts to feel less like introspection and more like complete and utter self-involvement. By page 60, the lead of the story was coming off like a cliche of high society New Yorkers. The stereotypical New York actor who yammers on at dinner parties and manages to spin every conversation back to herself (and then goes out about how she recognizes that flaw and has worked so hard to improve at it.) It felt like being stuck listening to someone monologuing about something that, at first, seemed interesting but you eventually realize that there really isn’t anything happening. There were some interesting insights here and there, but the main thrust of the story became increasingly annoying to me.

When I finally looked up reviews to see what Part 2 was about, I immediately lost any and all interest and tapped out.

New Thing #13: The Schnitz

Two things you have to know about me are:

1. While I love trying out new restaurants and eateries, I’m a stupidly picky eater.
2. I have a knack for ordering the wrong thing at a restaurant.

For The Schnitz, the reason I’m not reviewing it is more the former than the latter. I ordered just the schnitzel and fries with nothing else and the guy working the counter looked at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was. Schnitzel (which is the only option at The Schnitz) is more of the delivery vehicle for the toppings, which bring the flavor.

Still, I held my ground and got my plate of battered-thin fried chicken and fries. The fries were whatever; no seasoning and the kind of mid-sized fry between a steak fry and shoestring. The Schnitzel also didn’t have a ton of flavor on its own but when you order from a Schnitzel sandwich place and ignore 90% of the offerings, that’s on me.

The location is not great. It’s in a more industrial part of DTLA and there are a lot of really good eateries nearby. The owners seemed nice so I’m rooting for them but it seems like another dream eater of a location that will probably be something else this time next year.

Recxpectations: Dead Man's Wire

Maybe I missed it, but I felt that it was a little odd that Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were doing pretty much every media outing possible - my friend said he saw them opening Pokemon cards online at one point - yet I never saw them give a shout out to Gus Van Sant, whose first film in seven years, “Dead Man’s Wire” opens wide this week. I know that there’s obviously some competition for eyeballs but I feel like they could have given him a little bit out of shout out.

Anyway, “Dead Man’s Wire” is based on the true story of a man in the 70s who took the President of a mortgage company hostage and became a folk hero as he railed against the greed and shady dealings that were eating away at everyday people’s savings.

There are obvious parallels to modern day - Luigi Mangione being the first one but also private equity which has been buying up companies like Saks in order to get their land and then they pull a mafia-esque move of running up the debt until the company has to file bankruptcy.

EXPECT: A MOVIE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DOCUMENTARY
This is one of those films that pretty much has a trailer’s worth of story and you just kind of see a more fleshed out version when you sit down for the full hour and forty-five minutes. The incident itself is crazy but there is actual footage of much of it and I’m not sure that getting an inside look of what was happening in the apartment when the cameras were out of reach makes for the most interesting investigation of the incident And to beef up the story, there’s a completely unnecessary, half-baked b-story about a local reporter trying to get her big break. Ultimately, this is a crazy story that doesn’t really build. It starts off as crazy and then doesn’t really go anywhere. Oddly or maybe fittingly, it’s similar to The Testament of Ann Lee in that way. The path to becoming a prophet or folk hero is a lot more interesting than trying to maintain the position.

EXPECT: WEIRD ACCENTS
Maybe the accents were true to the characters and true to Indiana but I have to wonder, why worry about nailing the accents when the actors look NOTHING like the real participants. I also feel like everyone had a different accent. Cary Elwes was unrecognizable in his role but it might have been because I was wondering where his accent came from.

EXPECT: A JARRING EPILOGUE
The epilogue of the film enters an entirely different discussion into the mix and I immediately thought that perhaps the focus of the epilogue should have been present far earlier. I think one major issue with a film like this is you kind of have to decide between playing up the tension of What is going to happen? vs. digging deep into what happened and why. Gus Van Sant seems to have gone for the former so, for me, it felt like watching a mere reenactment more than a film that had much of a statement of its own.

New Thing #12: NoBar

The North Hollywood bar scene feels like it’s a lot of similar bars with one or two things tweaked about it. I walked into NoBar and wondered if I had been there before but after looking it over, I concluded that I hadn’t. It was dead that night (and at one point, there was a pretty large leak coming from the bathroom) but overall it was a nice spot for a drink and a chat. Like all NoHo bars, it’s a locals spot rather than a destination.

New Thing #11: The Testament of Ann Lee

The Testament of Ann Lee is an interesting take on a musical but, despite being well made, it just wasn’t for me. I tried writing a Recommended Expectation for this and I quit because I just feel like people are going to have very different reactions to this film For me, it was a numb experience. The music and dancing occasionally elevate things but for most part the score, story, and Thomasin McKenzie’s narration (I’d think Zen or meditation apps would look to hire her after this) just had me in an oddly serene place. Even during one of Ann’s darkest moments, we’re told what happens and then we’re shown it happening while a slow, repetitive musical number is performed by Ann (played my Amanda Seyfriend.) On top of that, there’s nothing really new to this story besides it being a female who is the religious leader. The story hits all of the usual points that these films of faith hit and Ann herself is devout that there seems to be no real internal conflict.

Ultimately, this is a faith movie told from the POV of the most faithful follower so it ultimately just isn’t in my wheelhouse. The second half especially, which feels less about Ann Lee and is more just anecdotes about what happened when they moved to America, falls flat and, in the end, had me wondering whether this was really a story that needed to be retold.